On the occasion of the feast of the Holy Family, we reflect on the exemplary life of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph as the first Christian family, the ideal family, the prototype family, the paradigm that all human families must emulate if our world is to know true peace and lasting joy. As we recall the family life of Jesus, Mary and Joseph, we celebrate the preponderance of faith, hope, love, mutual respect and fear of the Lord in this first Christian family which challenges all men and women to build their marriage and family life on the pattern laid down by Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
The celebration of the feast of the Holy Family is important for all of us, as we live in a world that is becoming increasingly selfish, increasingly self-seeking, and self-centred. The ideals and values of Christian marriage and family life are becoming more and more difficult for the men and women of our age. Our secular society often considers the pains and sacrifices that go with marriage and family life an unnecessary burden that must be rejected. The men and women of our generation often want to have their pleasures, and they are often not ready to make any serious sacrifices for the sake of the spouse or the child. They are often not ready to forgive the spouse for hurts done them. They often expect too much from their spouse, while they themselves are not ready to give much. That is why traditional family life, that is the lasting union of man, woman and children, is becoming an endangered species. That is why there is so much crisis in many families and among many couples. That is why the rate of failure in marriage and divorce is so high in our society. Indeed there is a general crisis of commitment among the men and women of our generation, and this is reflected in a most pathetic way in marriage and family life.
It is within the context of a generation that is weighed down by a crisis of commitment; a generation where trial marriages and divorce have become an everyday occurrence; a generation where the unfortunate phenomenon of single-parenthood is becoming prevalent; it is within the context of an exaggerated secularism, where traditional family values are discountenanced along with their spiritual and moral counterparts that we celebrate today the feast of the Holy Family. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, challenge the men and women of our generation with the words of Proverbs 1:7 that "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom."
The totality of Christian living is indeed a sign of contradiction for the world. For whereas the world runs away from suffering and pain, the Christian has the cross as the means of his or her salvation, for we know that nothing good comes easy. Christian marriage is a task, an enormous task. It may be a bed of roses, but it must be recognised that roses have thorns. The attempt by many people to enjoy the rose and yet reject the thorns is the root of the crisis in marriage and the family life in our age. Christian marriage is a life of love. Christian love takes time to grow and mature. Christian love involves sacrifice, including the sacrifice involved in raising up children, and the sacrifice involved in forgiving an offending spouse. To forgive an unfaithful spouse is not easy by any stretch of imagination. To forgive an abusive spouse will take the grace of God and the maturity of Christian love. Yet it is the life of sacrifice, of mutual forgiveness, the life of patience, and of the fear of the lord that is presented to us today as the model for all believers.
Reflecting on the difficulties that go with marriage in Christ, especially its permanence and indissolubility, the disciples said to Jesus: "If that is how things are between husband and wife, it is advisable not to marry." The reply that Jesus gave them was that "It is not everyone who can accept what I have said, but only those to whom it is granted (Matthew 19:10-11). Christian marriage is therefore a vocation for Christians. Those who do not have the life of Christ in them cannot possibly understand or appreciate the dynamics of Christian marriage. Christian marriage is a grace, a gift of God to those he has chosen. Success in Christian marriage is not something we can achieve by mere will power. Success in Christian marriage and family is to be guaranteed by God who himself is love, and who alone can teach us how to love, and how to raise a family in love. The success of every Christian family shall be the work of God who makes all things happen.
The Psalmist says that "unless the Lord builds a house, the labourer labours in vain" (P 127:1-2). Many of us can and indeed do build houses, but none of us can on our own build a home. We need the divine input to build a home. We need the love of God, we need the fear of the lord, we need the grace of God, we need commitment to the way of Jesus the Son of God, in order to build a home. In John 15:1-12 Jesus emphasises the fact that we are only branches. He is the vine. As long as we are united with him like a branch to the vine, we shall bear fruits in plenty. But cut off from him we can do nothing. God is love, and he is the source, the fountain and the summit of love. Only those who seek God, and who abide in God and his ways shall succeed in living a life of love. Human relations will be better ordered where there is wholesome respect for God and his will. The love for and fear of the Lord inspires mutual respect and mutual forgiveness which are necessary conditions for a peaceful home. Those who fear the Lord will not be tempted to put themselves in his place. Those who fear the Lord are more easily disposed to love their neighbour. Those who fear the Lord shall be endowed with the same grace that sustained Jesus, Mary and Joseph in Nazareth. Indeed, piety is the true foundation of both family life and social life. Piety is the sure way to political stability and economic prosperity. Piety is the foundation of individual and communal peace.
Christian families must be always united with God in prayer. They must learn to pray together, for the family that prays together, stays together. The communion of life which the Christian family is, makes it a school of love. In Christian marriage and family life, the members gradually learn the meaning of the words of S. Paul in I Corinthians 13:4-7 that "Love is always patient and kind; love is never jealous; love is not boastful or conceited love is never rude and never seeks its own advantage, love does not take offence or store up grievances. Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but find its joy in truth. Love is always ready to make allowances, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes. Love never comes to an end..."
The Christian family is the proper place to conquer selfishness and greed, since the husband and wife and children are compelled by their faith in God and their mutual commitment to share. The Christian family is the proper place to overcome inordinate anger and the spirit of vengeance, since the divine commitment compels them to forgive one another after every hurt. The Christian family is the proper place to learn to rejoice with those who rejoice, and to mourn with those who mourn. The husband, wife or child in the Christian family is not only a neighbour, but also a friend, for whom one should be ready to lay down his or her life. The Christian family is therefore a place to grow in holiness of life. That is why Christian marriage is seen by the Church as a vocation. Fidelity in Christian marriage and family should bring fulfilment, and peace, and should ultimately lead the couple and their children to God. The Christian family is therefore the divinely provided context in which the Christian child may grow to physical, mental and spiritual maturity. Proverbs 22:6 says that if you train a child in the ways of God when he is young, he will not depart from it when he grows old.
